All Jokes
'Forget everything you learned in college. You won't need it working here.'
'But I never went to college.'
'Well then, I'm sorry. You are underqualified to work here.'
'But I never went to college.'
'Well then, I'm sorry. You are underqualified to work here.'
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water"
I know he means well...
I know he means well...
What do the twin towers and genders have in common?
There used to be two and now it's too offensive to talk about.
There used to be two and now it's too offensive to talk about.
I've finally worked out why Spain is so good at football.
Nobody expects the Spanish in position.
Nobody expects the Spanish in position.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...
The first orders a beer... The second orders half a beer... The third orders one quarter of a beer... The fourth orders one eighth of a beer... The bartender pours two beers for the entire group, and replies "cmon guys, know your limits."
The first orders a beer... The second orders half a beer... The third orders one quarter of a beer... The fourth orders one eighth of a beer... The bartender pours two beers for the entire group, and replies "cmon guys, know your limits."
One day I'll pretend to be gay. I'll make lots of female friends, gain their trust. Become their confidant, and when they least expected...BAAM!!!
I'll have sex with their boyfriends
I'll have sex with their boyfriends
My aunt's star sign was cancer, pretty ironic how she died
She was eaten by a giant crab Edit: Bo Burnham is my god, this joke is his, I masturbate thinking of his talent to make people laugh without stealing jokes from other people
She was eaten by a giant crab Edit: Bo Burnham is my god, this joke is his, I masturbate thinking of his talent to make people laugh without stealing jokes from other people
A joke my 4 year old came up with today...
Him: "What's the only mammal that can breathe under water?" Me: "I dunno, what?" Him (loudly): "An elephant sticking his trunk up!"
Him: "What's the only mammal that can breathe under water?" Me: "I dunno, what?" Him (loudly): "An elephant sticking his trunk up!"
Dad with his son are watching a movie when a sex scene begins
Son, leave the room please.
Dad, but I'm 23...
I don't give a fuck how old you are, you're not going to watch me jack off.
Son, leave the room please.
Dad, but I'm 23...
I don't give a fuck how old you are, you're not going to watch me jack off.